Announcer: Los Angeles. He walks again by night. Out of the fog and into the smog (cough cough). Relentlessly. Ruthlessly (“I wonder where Ruth is”). Doggedly (bark bark) toward his weekly meeting with the unknown. At 4th and Drucker he turns left. At Drucker and 4th he turns right. He crosses McArthur Park and walks into a great sandstone building! ("Oh, my nose!") Groping for the door he steps inside (telephones starts ringing), climbs the 13 steps to his office. He walks in. He’s ready for mystery, he’s ready for excitement, he’s ready for anything he’s…
Nick Danger: Nick Danger Third Eye!
Telephone Guy: Hi, um, I’d like to order a pizza to go and no anchovies
Nick: No Anchovies? You got the wrong man. I spell my name Danger! (Click) Announcer: The makers of fantastic cigarettes, long in the leaf and short in the can, bring you another true story from the tattered casebook of Nick Danger Third Eye. Let's join him now in the adventure we call “Cut Him Off At The Past!”
Nick: Lets get down to business. Uncross those beautiful stems of yours, baby. Here’s the case I call Number 666. It all began innocently enough on Tuesday. I was sitting in my office on that Drizzly afternoon listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desktop and reading my name on the glass of my office door “REGNAD KCIN.” My secretary lay snoring on the floor, her long beautiful gems pinioned under the couch. I didn’t hear him enter but my nostrils flared at the smell of his perfume. Pyramid Petchulli! There was only one joker in LA sensitive enough to wear that scent and I had to find out who he was.
Rocky Rococo: Good Afternoon Mr.…Danger I'm Rocky Rococo.
Nick: Thanks, half pint. You just saved me a lot of investigative work.
Rocky: Maybe yes, maybe no…Do you know what this is?
Nick: I had to think for a minute. What cruel game was he playing? Uh, that’s a brown paper bag.
Rocky: That’s correct. Now look inside, Mr. Danger, what do you see?
Nick: That’s easy. That’s a pickle.
Rocky: Very good! Now I think you are ready for this! (Clunk)
Nick: Why, that’s nothing but a two-bit ring from a Crackerback jox!
Rocky: I’ll sell it to you for $5,000.
Nick: Ha! What kind of chump do you take me for?
Rocky: First Class!
Nick: That tarnished piece of tin is worthless!
Rocky: Worthless? Ha ha (cough cough). Not to Melanie Haber!
Nick: Melanie Haber?
Rocky: You may remember her as Audrey Farber.
Nick: Audrey Farber?
Rocky: Susan Underhill?
Nick: Susan Underhill?
Rocky: How about Betty Joe Bealoski? (Organ)
Nick: (thinking) Betty Joe Bealoski. I hadn’t heard that name since college. Everyone knew her as Nancy. Then it all came rushing back to me like a hot kiss on the end of a wet fist. It was Pig Night at Om Made Pagme Sigma House. We had escaped from the crowd and stood trembling under the dwarf maples.
Nancy: Oh, Nicky. I don’t know what to say. This is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.
Young Nick: Yeah, Nancy. It's really neat. It cost me $5000.
Nancy: Oh Nicky, how can I ever repay you?
Young Nick: Well, gee whiz, Nancy. How about 500 down and a 36 month contract?
Nancy: What?
