Wednesday, July 31, 2013


UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE THEATRE: This bi-coastal comedy spot never stops making Los Angelenos laugh, with affordable shows seven days a week. Housing mostly improv and sketch shows, UCB also has a strong Tuesday and Thursday night stand-up following. And most shows usually sell out. Regular weekly shows in the 92-seat theatre include Harold Night, Doug Loves Movies, Spank, Facebook, Cagematch and ASSSSCAT. The recently departed Comedy Bang! Bang! show, run by Scott Aukerman, gave the biggest names in stand-up the chance to work in front of a smart, hip, young crowd (and was just renewed for its second season by the Independent Film Channel). From Ansari to Galifianakis to Poehler, it's the hip comedy place to be.Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre is located at 5919 Franklin Avenue, Hollywood, 90028 (323) 908-8702

HOLLYWOOD IMPROV: "Where comedy begins," Hollywood Improv offers a mix of road warriors and national headliners on the weekends and more independent local shows on the off nights. Their Skinny Sundays show just celebrated three years of funny, and the mix of game show and stand-up, plus some of the best bookers in town, make this spot a must-go for those seeking a few good laughs almost any day of the week. (And don't forget about Hollywood Improv's Orange County sibling, Irvine Improv!)
Hollywood Improv is located at 8162 Melrose Avenue, Hollywood, 90046 (323) 651-2583

HOLLYWOOD STUDIO BAR & GRILL: Offering eats, open mic jams, singing contests and speed dating, this intimate venue is also the weekly home of What's Up, Tiger Lily?, one of the longest-running stand-up shows in town. The show entertains every Monday night, and it's free (with a two drink minimum for patrons seated at tables and the bar). Hot local acts, established comics doing jokes for other comics and touring names that want to drop in somewhere all come here, and it's as close as you'll get to a New York City bar show.
Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill is located at 6122 Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood, 90028 (323) 466-9917
THE VIRGIL: Specialty craft cocktails aside, The Virgil has emerged as a notable up-and-coming comedy venue, with new comedy shows constantly joining the events calendar. Kristen Schaal and Kurt Braunohler's lauded NYC variety show Hot Tub just made this spot their West Coast home and have brought along the talent to match. For those wishing to wet their whistles, The Virgil offers happy hour from 7-9 p.m. nightly and all night Tuesdays, and Hump Days have earned their name as Whiskey Wednesdays.
The Virgil is located at 4519 Santa Monica Boulevard, Silver Lake, 90029 (323) 660-4540

DOWNTOWN INDEPENDENT: An edgy home for free stand-up, monthly indie comedy film screenings and the Channel 101 shows that have been spawning great minds since 2003, Downtown Independent does a fine job of making people laugh without also making them broke. The theater also sells beer, which comes in handy for those who prefer to pair a cold brew with their cackles.
Downtown Independent is located at 251 South Main Street, Downtown Los Angeles, 90012 (213) 617-1033

THE CLUBHOUSE: This community-centric venue serves as L.A.'s new consolidated home for independent improv. Dedicated to the local indie improv and sketch scenes, The Clubhouse really is just that for the comedy community, defined as not only a theatre, but also as a hangout space, classroom and rehearsal space, too. Only there are no prerequisites to enter. Indie shows and improv jams crowd the calendar seven nights a week, with performances from the best minds at UCB, iO West, Second City, The Groundlings, TV, film and more. And best yet, the space is run by the very people who perform, teach and event plan there.
The Clubhouse is located at 1107-A El Centro, Hollywood, 90026

THE MINT: While best known for its live music, this growing venue has embraced comedy as of late, mostly in the form of benefit and storytelling shows. What we love about The Mint is its emphasis on L.A.-based talent, and heck, who doesn't love to squawk and squirm in their seat while brave souls tell it all onstage? (We love us some Taboo Tales.) Los Angelenos in need of a good guffaw should pencil in an installment of Anna David's True Tales of Lust and Love from Writers and Comedians.
The Mint is located at 6010 West Pico Boulevard, Mid-City (323) 954-9400

Wednesday, June 26, 2013


   Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.   Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... 
   The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was getting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.

Thursday, June 6, 2013


Announcer: Los Angeles. He walks again by night. Out of the fog and into the smog (cough cough). Relentlessly. Ruthlessly (“I wonder where Ruth is”). Doggedly (bark bark) toward his weekly meeting with the unknown. At 4th and Drucker he turns left. At Drucker and 4th he turns right. He crosses McArthur Park and walks into a great sandstone building! ("Oh, my nose!") Groping for the door he steps inside (telephones starts ringing), climbs the 13 steps to his office. He walks in. He’s ready for mystery, he’s ready for excitement, he’s ready for anything he’s…

Nick Danger: Nick Danger Third Eye!

Telephone Guy: Hi, um, I’d like to order a pizza to go and no anchovies

Nick: No Anchovies? You got the wrong man. I spell my name Danger! (Click)
Announcer: The makers of fantastic cigarettes, long in the leaf and short in the can, bring you another true story from the tattered casebook of Nick Danger Third Eye. Let's join him now in the adventure we call “Cut Him Off At The Past!” 

Nick: Lets get down to business. Uncross those beautiful stems of yours, baby. Here’s the case I call Number 666. It all began innocently enough on Tuesday. I was sitting in my office on that Drizzly afternoon listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desktop and reading my name on the glass of my office door “REGNAD KCIN.” My secretary lay snoring on the floor, her long beautiful gems pinioned under the couch. I didn’t hear him enter but my nostrils flared at the smell of his perfume. Pyramid Petchulli! There was only one joker in LA sensitive enough to wear that scent and I had to find out who he was.

Rocky Rococo: Good Afternoon Mr.…Danger I'm Rocky Rococo.

Nick: Thanks, half pint. You just saved me a lot of investigative work.

Rocky: Maybe yes, maybe no…Do you know what this is?

Nick: I had to think for a minute. What cruel game was he playing? Uh, that’s a brown paper bag.

Rocky: That’s correct. Now look inside, Mr. Danger, what do you see?

Nick: That’s easy. That’s a pickle.

Rocky: Very good! Now I think you are ready for this! (Clunk)

Nick: Why, that’s nothing but a two-bit ring from a Crackerback jox!

Rocky: I’ll sell it to you for $5,000.

Nick: Ha! What kind of chump do you take me for?

Rocky: First Class!

Nick: That tarnished piece of tin is worthless!

Rocky: Worthless? Ha ha (cough cough). Not to Melanie Haber!

Nick: Melanie Haber?

Rocky: You may remember her as Audrey Farber.

Nick: Audrey Farber?

Rocky: Susan Underhill?

Nick: Susan Underhill?

Rocky: How about Betty Joe Bealoski? (Organ)

Nick: (thinking) Betty Joe Bealoski. I hadn’t heard that name since college. Everyone knew her as Nancy. Then it all came rushing back to me like a hot kiss on the end of a wet fist. It was Pig Night at Om Made Pagme Sigma House. We had escaped from the crowd and stood trembling under the dwarf maples.

Nancy: Oh, Nicky. I don’t know what to say. This is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.

Young Nick: Yeah, Nancy. It's really neat. It cost me $5000.

Nancy: Oh Nicky, how can I ever repay you?

Young Nick: Well, gee whiz, Nancy. How about 500 down and a 36 month contract?

Nancy: What?